Life as a Single Jewish Female

By Anonymous Contributor to Modern Jewish Voice

Life as a single Jewish female can be rough.  What is it that they say in
therapist’s chairs up and down the East Coast?  Devise a support system?  Well I
seem to have found one right on the left side of the spectrum.  The gay male –
you see:

Jewish Chicks are Like Gay Men

We both have it pretty rough in the “search for a long term relationship” war
that needs no years next to it since it never ends.

I have always felt a kindred spirit with my gay male brethren who are also
looking for love in all the wrong places. The following are some similarities
that Jewish females have with Gay males:

Judged Pretty Harshly on Looks

I know, I know, everyone is judged by looks but I think that we have it harder
than the rest. It is no biggie smalls if a Jewish straight dude is 10 pounds
overweight, has stubble, and is losing some hair. As long as he can hold down
some semblance of a job and doesn’t beat you, return his call for the love of
Hashem!  But Jewish chicks are supposed to look good. A Jewess will not even
make it to the first date unless she looks exactly the opposite of the guy’s
mother.  The mantras in our heads include: straighten out that Jew-fro, lay off
the challah, get a nose job, swoon if a guy has a Benz.  Gay guys too. In fact,
when I went to a gay club one night, my friend commented about one man with a
bit of a beer belly: “He just came out.”

Face Familial Pressure to Succeed

I imagine that gay guys have to put up an “I’ve got my shit together” front to
their families. They have to prove that they can not only be gay, but hold down
a full time job, pay rent, and keep house. Jewish (single) chicks also have this
chip on their shoulder. Ok, well maybe I just have this chip on my shoulder. I
want to show that I can do it all.  But a Jewish straight dude can still be
living with mommy and daddy while he “sorts things out” and will still get some
bootay or act like it is a privilege to be seen with him.

Legal/Religious Discrimination

Despite recent progress, gay marriage laws are at the level of the 2/3rd vote
for slaves during Lincoln’s time: a step in the right direction, but something
our grandkids will look back on and think “WTF! Worst. Country. Ever.”  In
Jewish law, babes are pretty powerless. In fact, technically the Jewish wedding
contract is a financial transaction. So much so that if the dude buys the ring
on credit card, the wedding is not legit unless the bill is paid off in full.
Jewish women aren’t supposed to be participating in many rituals and prayer
services because we are supposed to be minding the kids. I’m all for missing
synagogue to sleep in, but don’t tell me I should be cranking out kids instead.

Subjected to Blind Dates

Since both of us face slim dating pools, we can’t be so picky in the date
department. We are supposed to just date someone who fits remotely what we are
looking for (Jewish and male and not a felon, or Gay and male and not a felon)
and lives within a 15 mile radius.

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